WTF of the Week - Meet King and Queen Bama

Both of these news stories referenced sent me through the conniption fit cycle:

A seven-year old girl was subjected to cruel and unusual punishment when a Milwaukee school teacher whacked one of her braids during class. Agitated by the student’s incessant twirling of her beaded mane, the teacher popped off, ‘Now what you gonna go home and tell your momma?’ after applying scissors to the first grader’s head.

It’s incomprehensible how this imitator educator has suffered no further disciplinary action than a measly $175 disorderly conduct fine. No way was this a cosmetology class but had it been, Queen Bama deserved to be snatched bald.

What’s in the student’s head counts more than the hair that resides on it or so I thought.
Get the full story at http://www.kcci.com/education/21973453/detail.html

Of all NBA Hall of Shamers, it was Ron Artest, another married athlete who espouses spreading the penile wealth, racing to Tiger’s role model rescue. This is the same roughneck suspended 73 games from league play after diving into the stands to accost an unruly fan. The same cocky jock who admitted dashing to a Chicago liquor store to satisfy urges for Hennessey at half-time. King Bama’s fans may be quick to pin his ghettolicious ignorance on bi-polar disorder but big bank cannot buy a throwback thug change nor more than it can buy an adulterer trust.

An excerpt of the Artest letter to Tiger appears on the Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/16/ron-artests-letter-to-tig_n_395115.html

When Infidelity Hits the Hood

While What-A-Burger’s been giving away freebies in its 12 days of Christmas countdown, the N.Y. Post’s front page has been riding Tiger’s tail with 17 days of non-stop sexcapades coverage. If your news nose has sniffed every whiff of Mr. Privacy’s privates, you might’ve missed the sinister scheme one queen “b” devised when she learned her man was sampling another’s honey. Reported in the N.Y. Post over a week ago, here’s how it went down.

Armed with an electronic gadget designed to transmit fictitious Caller-IDs, Kisha Jones, 38, phoned her husband’s pregnant “cuddy buddy” and instructed her to pick up a prescription. Instead of the medication she expected, “the other woman” was dispensed Cytotec, an abortion-inducing drug at a pharmacy she rarely frequents. According to authorities, a resourceful Jones pulled this off by mimicking the medical office’s Caller-ID and five-fingering a physician’s Rx pad. If wifey’s desperate act hasn’t registered an “oh, that’s cold” reaction, wait, it gets nippier.

Impersonating the mistress, the Brooklyn resident then called the hospital to ask if the newborn (yes, he survived) could be fed breast milk she’d allegedly pumped at home. When an unidentified man arrived with two bottles of a substance that looked nothing like breast milk, suspicion swirled and the Po Po(s) were summoned.

The new mother and nursing student claims she’d dated Mr. Jones for three years and had no idea his left hand was ringed. We may never how Mrs. Jones came up with this pharmaceutical caper but we do know the drug Mr. Jones used to render his cuddy buddy comatose of common sense. Too bad a list of potential side effects doesn't accompany the appendage.

Change Comes to Houston

Twice in my lifetime, I’ve witnessed political spirit steeled in change shatter a ceiling that once favored good old boys: first, in an African-American’s election to the U.S. presidency and now with Houston’s 50th and first openly lesbian mayor-elect Annise Parker. Finally, the nation’s 4th largest city can retire its country-cosmo combo image and revel in a mayoral distinction no other major metropolis claims. Eat your hearts out, New York, San Francisco and most of all, Dallas.

Victory surfaced in Twitter tweets early Saturday evening; however, the runoff’s slim turnout came straight from a mixed message bag: either shedding bigotry’s pimpled skin was vocalized in the city’s best interest or political preference for white over black prevailed as status quo. Houston’s 25% African-American population failed to seal the deal for Gene Locke and given his alignment with anti-gay forces , a vote for the former city attorney came eerily close to a hate endorsement.

Yet historically monumental, Parker’s achievement hardly suggests the emergence of a post-sexual south. Enter gay marriage and the campaign’s high note fails to strike a dramatic chord in attitudinal shifts. Even with Houston’s victory, Texas’ blood still beats red in political ideological where religious tenets conveniently fuel ignorance to the legality of social parity. As recently as 2003, the last of the anti-sodomy laws were yanked from the books so homophobes rest assured, gay marriage won’t automatically advance just because a lesbian is mayor.

Though well credentialed, Parker didn’t win the keys to the city without playing it smart and shoving a gay agenda down the straight majority’s throat will only invite political suicide. Should local gays and lesbians foster any quid pro quo expectations now that one of their own is in, they’re certain to be as disappointed as they’ve been by Obama. If anything is to be gained from the Civil Rights Movement, gays and lesbians must understand that baby steps precede full strides. Change has come to Houston but giant leaps rarely occur overnight.

Is Tiger's Wife in Preparation for a PGA Tour?

This year’s traditional Thanksgiving course didn’t include an escape clause from celebrity drama. Unlike leftover turkey, we’re still clamoring for more than “my fault” as an explanation for what precipitated Tiger Woods’ one-car accident. Sorry, Tiger, but you opened a reality window in your Florida Mcmansion and there’s never been a privacy option with fortune and fame.

Despite rumors swirling like an Arizona dust storm, here’s how I think the domestic upheaval went down: Tiger and wifey Elin’s heated discussion came to blows after she confronted him about creeping. Tired of his megawatt smile denials, the former model fetched one of his fancy golf clubs and issued a memorable beat down.

Tail tucked like a sick kitty, Tiger attempted a Cadillac Escalade roll out with a golf club-armed Elin likely in close pursuit. An obvious fan of hip-hop, the 29-year old Mrs. Woods then took the lyrics of Jazmin Sullivan’s “Bust Your Windows” to task before the actual crash:

"I bust the windows out your car
You should feel lucky that’s all I did
After five years of this bullshit
Gave you all of me and you played with it"

Tiger might’ve married white but I’m convinced this Swede has some sistah in her, especially if she's already consulted Kobe Bryant's Vanessa on the appropriate rock size.

Mayor's Race in Houston: Below the Belt Politics

Now that the Houston’s mayoral election is run-off bound, the endorsement by a trio of prominent black ministers clearly demonstrates that Peter Brown’s loss is Gene Locke’s gain. Learning through a Houston Chronicle article that long-standing friendship was cited over qualification left me peeved like angst-loaded Maj. Hassan in Fort Hood. So much so that I howled ala Tina Turner, “What’s friendship got to do with it?”

If friendship had been a decisive factor, what on earth prompted the collective jockeying of Brown’s horse in the first place? This is politics played by men who’re revered for packing a persuasive punch on Sunday but rendered ineffective in delivering African-American votes for Brown on Election Day. Very few convene around the political table without agendas appetizing to self-interests.

It remains to be seen whether the ministers are positioned for a blundering repeat but saddling up with the likes of Dr. Steven Hotze, the newest member of Team Locke courted for conservative bolster, can’t be a good sign. Hotze was the political mastermind behind a Straight Slate city council campaign back in the day.

Unfortunately, in the sport of politics, fighting below the belt is fair. Just ask Christian conservative Dave Wilson who distributed 35,000 mass mailings to Houston households captioned, “Is this the image Houston wants to portray?” below a photo of openly gay Annise Parker pictured with partner.

Come Correct or Don't Come at All

Factuality was once American journalism’s first tenet. However, considering the avalanche of inaccuracies burying the truth on airwaves and in print these days, that seemingly is no longer the case. A few weeks ago, I gasped when I heard a live MSNBC anchor, obviously bitten by the “all blacks look alike” bug, mistake Rev. Jesse Jackson for Rev. Al Sharpton. Jackson checked her boo boo quickly given the rocky relationship the civil rights activists allegedly share.

While I’m almost certain the anchor attributed blame to the producer, the Washington Post writer who recently referred to the NAACP President Ben Jealous as a “grizzly bear of a white man” has no such excuse. She got it twisted while spotlighting the predominantly white Maine State Prison Chapter which signifies a shift in the NAACP's organizational wind.

Although the light-skinned and good-haired Jealous, the son of an African-American mother and caucasian father, could easily pass for white, assumption without verification in professional journalism is unvirtuous. With the Internet at our fingertips, the one-drop rule is surely no secret. Newsflash to mainstream media: Come correct or don’t come at all.

Houston's Next Mayor: Black Guy, Rich White Guy, Lesbian or Hispanic Republican?

Billed as a boring mayoral contest by the Houston Press, the alternative newspaper's recent politically incorrect headline, “Black Guy, Rich White Guy, Lesbian and Hispanic Republican” pushed my buttons. Though accurate, the identity distinctions scream an outcome likely driven by race, status or gender. For some, the decision will come down to Gene Locke’s Afro activism and corporate connectedness, Peter Brown’s “big pimpin” media saturation and ministerial ties, and Annise Parker’s sexuality.

Rooted in reality, I’ve known that even as we approach 2010, Houston remains a cosmopolitan city full of countrified mentalities deep fried in bigoted fat. Whether black, white, yellow or brown, voters who utilize staid criteria to establish the city's future direction represent a backward brood. Hopefully, votes cast far from the superficial surface but closer to the substance of the issues will prevail.

Jackson's Doc Addicted

Bombshell? Well, not exactly, as talk show hostess Nancy Grace is so quick to blurt nightly. On the eve of the "This is It" premiere, Michael Jackson's dermatologist, Dr. Arnie Klein, petitioned the estate to cough up $50,000 for medical services previously rendered. The exorbitant fee amounts to approximately $1,000 a pop for 51 Demerol injections the celebrity doc administered within 90 days of the icon's death.

Klein is the same slimy character who boisteriously proclaimed on CNN that he wanted to make sure Michael's children weren't exploited financially. Before making his way to the bank should he receive a favorable ruling, Klein should consult his crony Dr. Conrad Murray for a prescription to arrest greed addiction.

Atlantur - We Have a Problem

The recession might've flung me for a fashionista loop but the recognition of good taste hasn't taken a similar slide. So when the opinionated masses fueled the controversial Morehouse University dress code fire, I hooped and hollered to the hills.

Though Bill Cosby has been raked over the coals for telling Black America's truths, it's about time an official "Approriate Attire Policy" outlawed the ghetto fabulous trend of do rags, flip flops, hoodies, dental grills and saggy jeans on the predominantly black all-male campus in the ATL.

Hardly homophobic as some suggest, the policy also bans gay Morehouse men from parading around in women's clothing. Heels of the non Christian Louboutin variety and frilly tops may be a fashion staple of several gay men of the Real Housewives of Atlanta but trust, even among the gramatically crippled elite nots, the combo of pumps and the male frontal bump is hardly cute. After all, some things should be kept in the closet.

Mixed Blood, Light Skin and Good Hair

Barack Obama's ascendance to the U.S.Presidency has cultivated fertile curiousity for all things black: Who we are, what we wear, how we live and style our hair have garnered constant media mention since the black family took up White House residence.

MIXED BLOOD
Although it was not exactly news to us that the First Lady's ancestral chain included an Anglo-Saxon link, a CNN anchor of Canadian descent captioned the story as "history unknown." Somebody, please throw that clueless bloke a historical bone.

For years, African-Americans have recounted how white male domination during slavery surreptiously produced scores of mulatto babies. Despite repeated sexual violation instances, colored folks wear the translucent skin biracial blood sometimes affords them like a privileged badge.

In WASP households, I suspect, the subject is rarely broached since burying the societal shame of the black and white ties that bind perserves purity's perception. Clearly, the result weaves a fabric of facts unacknowledged versus unknown.

LIGHT SKIN, GOOD HAIR

Freshly plucked from the European standards tree, a bite of the "light skin, good hair" apple was initially savored in slavery when darker skinned slaves made the ripe observation that lighter skinned slaves were granted privileges they were forbidden to enjoy. Though the perception of creamy skin and 'bone strait' hair manifested a slave mentality on the plantation, identity and self-esteem issues surrounding appearance still boggle emancipated blacks in America today.

Surprisingly, some 'light, bright and damn near white' sisters and brothers have experienced unease with their culturally disassociated skin tones. Pain piercing her 'high yella face' and tears welling in her green eyes, a friend once confided the heavy burden she bears as a categorical misfit: "I hate it when people look at me as if they're having difficulty figuring out what I am."

Until African-Americans stop worshipping 'light skin and good hair' as the ultimate beauty barometers, in psychological bondage they'll remain. Granted, the African-American conditions of nappy hair and dark skin are ancestrally ours but make no mistake, the inferiority conclusion was coined by others.

WTF - Chicago Student Beaten to Death

Chicago, typically hailed as the Windy City, became Whack City when a throng of blood thirsty thugs beat a high school honors student to death last week. Thanks to cell phone video which captured the attack, four teenagers who knocked Derrion Albert unconscious with wooden planks and kicked him mercilessly now call a jail cell home. Losing another black youth to black heathens who devalue life confirms the fibers of self-respect in our community are fraying fast. Naturally, no respect for self breeds an absence of respect for others.

Fed up with the same brand of inner city violence that took the lives of 30 Chicago-area students in 2008, residents who aren’t tossing blame to parental neglect are looking to law enforcement to arrest the community’s ills. Until change comes to inner cities across America, land of limited opportunity and poverty gone wild, the expectation of a single-pronged solution seems extreme. Thank God my generation had a village.

Ain't this a Bow Wow Bxxch!

Despite NFL quarterback Michael Vick’s highly publicized lock-up for funding a dog fighting ring, his lukewarm message that the enterprise is cruel rather than cool is running cold in some urban and suburban neighborhoods. As recently as last week, a non-inner city Chicago day care center was shut down when its dual purpose as a dog fighting site was discovered. No children were injured and although rescued, nine dogs, body parts and flesh ripped in barbaric battle, required surgery - one pup lost an eye and another’s genitals were severed.

Right on to the columnist who cited “the real lesson in the Vick conviction is that dog fighting remains a national scourge” in the NYT’s Sunday edition because it perturbs me each time I see young black men, jeans sloppily sagging, shuffling down an urban sidewalk with a Pit Bull in ghetto fabulous tow. Shaken or stirred, the mix is hardly suggestive of a relationship within acceptable animal companionship bounds.

The NFL commissioner, ravenous for revenue, reinstated Vick but the conviction ensures the timeline in shedding the notorious dog fighting collar will likely exceed the years left in the former Atlanta Falcon’s football career. Reportedly, arrests and convictions are up across the nation; however, the dog fighting financier must growl louder because some obviously aren’t ‘trying to hear him.’ Until this violent breed of boys in the hood is aggressively chased and caged like Mike, urban communities will continue to be plagued by dog fighting’s pathological poop.

And The WTF of the Week Award Goes To...

Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly must be smoking crack again. In addition to denouncing Michael Jackson’s Black Icon status, he also said ““Black Americans are much more engaged in watching this stuff than white Americans, even though Michael Jackson has white children -- and he chose to have white children -- and the face deal, don't even want to get into... So what's that racial thing all about?” O’Reilly, you’re not qualified to intellectualize black pride. See http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/06/gretchen-carlson-michael_n_226707.html.

Forget the skin lightening, fathering to three white children, and the artificial lifestyle that often accessorizes superstardom because through all the manure, African-Americans never stopped claiming MJ as one of their own. Though it would've been icing on the cake, we don't need an official resolution. Clueless to the ways of a world that revolves black 24/7, the Irishman’s racially acidic tongue should be snipped like a Doberman pinscher’s tail. Back, back, O’Reilly, give me 50 feet.

On a personal note in harmony with a NYT journalist’s King of Pop compartmentalization, MJ’s music recorded “the soundtrack of my youth” – a carefree time untarnished by economic decay and vulgar Madoffian men who maintain stay rich hard-ons. At the time, however, deep in puppy love with the adorable face, I didn’t recognize the genius who would ignite a global unity fire like no one in musical history has. You better ask somebody, O’Reilly.

As MJ’s devoted rainbow coalition of fan millions attest around the world, when you’re that talented, the surgically saturated appearance becomes insignificant. Bill O’Reilly is only a nubby parcel in the landscape of the colorless “Don’t Get It” plenty so after whooping exasperation in response to his incendiary comments, I had to holler WTF.

The WTF of the Week Award Goes To...

The BET Award show salute to Michael Jackson may be a wrap but the press continues to pounce on patriarch Joe Jackson for sullying the occasion with shameless self promotion. In his first public appearance since the King of Pop’s passing, Jackson plugged his new Blu ray record venture following an unemotional expression of grief for the “Superstar's” loss. Dark glasses, however, didn't shield the dollar signs permanently plastered in the elder Jackson’s eyes.

Papa Jackson’s bravado bled red like ink through a bright white shirt pocket in the repeated sound clip. Far from crestfallen, an upbeat Joe appeared to be yet another ranch hand tugging desperately at the cash cow’s udders. How inappropriately pathetic but that's Joe.

Given this crass display of character, it’s a wonder Mrs. Jackson hadn’t kicked this “blow” to Sin City's curb sooner – though still married, reportedly, Joe and Katherine haven’t lived together at the Encino, CA compound in over a decade. If the father who forbade his son to call him Daddy has been excluded from a will that has suddenly surfaced, King Michael couldn't have sealed a finer goodbye.

The Self-Sabotaged NEcession

It’s no surprise that Negroes, innately prone to adversity, are suffering bleakeconomics’ biggest hit. An article on Black Commentator.com reported last month’s startling statistics: joblessness spiked to 15% overall and men and youth facing unemployment rates of 17.2% and 34%, respectively. With so many jobs undergoing the knife, counting ourselves among the casualties has become routine. Since discrimination is a denominator in economic erosion’s equation, what equals recession for others amounts to a necession for us.

Economists, eager to spin reality’s wheel to encourage spending and quell fear, say things are easing in the U.S. economy, but the assessment radar excludes social dysfunction dynamics derailing success for some of Black America’s youth and young adults. For instance, consider these comment posted in the blogosphere: When asked if he had found a job, one teenager said, “Nope, they gotta come to me if they want my work.” Albeit there are many factors driving the unemployment course, the current colored community trend is not exactly mind-boggling.

Black youth and young adults, stymied by life preparation, often present prospective employers with undesirable packages wrapped in ignorant bows. I’ve seen first-hand the lack of adherence to job hunting’s cardinal rule that commands professional dress: elaborate multi-hued hairstyles, sagging slacks, tennis shoes, skin-tight clothing, gold grills and sunglasses accessorized with unsightly tattoos. More often than not, what’s revered in Hollyhood is worthless in the workplace.

Seemingly, the self-respect direction steered by teachers and parents is still veered by thug life’s magnetic allure. To the freedom fighters that risked their lives to open doors previously closed, the cultural insult must be crushing. With hope on a faraway horizon and small eyes sabotaged by glamorized blight, garbage will always find a home in minds unexpanded by possibility. However, birth in the ghetto never means one must adopt it as a permanent residence, at least not mentally.

Cable TV Cooking in Color

It’s 2009 and we’ve come a long way, baby, but according to the NYT, the roles on major network TV have dipped dramatically for African-Americans. Thankfully, that’s not the case for cable.

The fade to black phenomenon, however, didn’t derail the recurring screen dreams of actress Jada Pinkett Smith who’ll executive produce and star in TNT’s “Hawthorne. “ The multi-talented dynamo and wife of Will assumes the role of Christiana Hawthorne, Richmond Trinity Hospital’s “don’t take no medical mess” Nursing Director. Based on the buzz, you’ll definitely want to tune in for the June premiere, molded in the dramatic vein of Gray’s Anatomy and ER.

And Smith isn’t alone as Vivica Fox and Kelly Rowland have also joined the primetime pack. Following the VH1 Fashion Show flop, actress Vivica Fox returns to the reality block, hosting TV Land Prime’s “The Cougar.” Fortysomething Fox, Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson’s former eye candy, cannot cop an innocent plea when it comes to looking for love in immature faces. Starting this month, Fox strikes the older woman/younger man dating match each Wednesday at 9pm CST.

A boob- enhanced Kelly Rowland will be side dish-served to designer Isaac Mizrahi on Bravo’s latest reality entrée, “The Fashion Show.” The pairing signals a rebound for Destiny Child’s Rowland whose Matthew Knowles management camp departure gained steam before reports of being released by Columbia Records surfaced recently. Who knows what’s next musically for Kelly, however, parlaying her celebrity into another performance platform could keep the singer’s fame train on track. The reality series makes its fashionable splash on May 9th at 9pm CST.

Although CNN broke with D.L. Hughley, Fox has snagged funny woman Wanda Sykes to host a late night talk show a la Real Time with Bill Maher beginning either this fall or January 2010. Let’s hope Fox executives don’t pull the 9-episode plug like they did with Wanda At Large.

The NYT article detailing the decline in starring roles for African-Americans on network TV appears here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/18/arts/television/18minor.html?_r=1&sq=tv%20series%20black%20characters&st=cse&adxnnl=1&scp=5&adxnnlx=1239937234-lXzV7ajxkEWq1NaEl53O5A.

Words Kill Two Youth

As political pundits peered into the president’s 100-day performance window, the clouds of disbelief, hovering over the recent suicides of two 11-year old male youths, have yet to dissipate. Though one resided in Springfield, Ma and the other in DeKalb, Ga., the commonalities are startling: both six-grade victims were taunted unmercifully about being gay at their respective schools. Carl Walker-Hoover hung himself at home with an electric cord on April 6th and two weeks later, Jaheem Herrera fashioned a belt similarly to end his earthly despair.

It matters not whether one at a tender age has a firm grip on his or her sexuality, but the callousness demonstrated by their classmates, reportedly, is especially disturbing. Sure, sticks and stones break bones but the provocation lends proof that malicious words not only hurt, they kill.

What’s more, I’m afraid the slanderous rants likely originated in homes, sensitive only to societal norms. Parents must be more consumed with thoughts in the heads of their children rather than the materialism their money can buy for their backs. Granted, teachers, overworked and underpaid, have their hands full with crowded classrooms and limited resources. Despite those things they may individually reject, it is incumbent on parents and teachers in partnership to impart stronger messages of tolerance and respect.

Ex House Doc in the Wrong House

Earlier this month, the naming of actor Kal Penn to a White House liaison post designed to forge relationships with the art world and Asian and Pacific Islander audiences caught many by surprise. Penn, whose claims to Hollywood fame are the Harold and Kumar films and TV series “House,” dedicated his political energies exhaustively to the Obama campaign according to The Daily Beast.

If you recall former actor Ronald Reagan’s era, it’s not unusual for a president to incorporate Hollywood into his strategic platform. Nevertheless, I question whether the move mandates necessity or political payback. I’d rather see a commoner’s council to keep the president abreast of what’s happening in American hoods. Obama must not forget a minority constituency challenged daily by the lack of judicial and economic parity.

California Dreamin: A Recession Blues Cure

At times, the economic gun holding us hostage seems inescapable. Earlier this month, a report revealed that 61% of Americans bear burdens of enormous stress. For whatever’s ailing, however, there’s almost always a cure.

With a 24-hour poolside butler to fetch watermelon Mojitos following a fab food spread prepared for you and your crew, this spot might be the ultimate rejuvenation getaway. Don’t book the Gulfstream jet yet, honey, if you don’t have Bernie Madoff's stash. The former Calabasas, CA love shack of Eddie and Nicole Murphy won’t be yours year-round without $8.5 mil.

Recession or not, cast your California dreams and check out the rest of the Spanish-styled crib at http://www.luxist.com/2009/04/25/nicole-murphy-in-calabasas-estate-of-the-day/.

Lux Disgust

One of the best things to emanate from the economic collapse is the colossal transformation in American values. Penny pinching consumers, fearful of joining the unemployment ranks, are dining out less frequently and shunning price-slashed flat screen TVs. Many may be heeding frugality’s convention, but Jill Zarin, one of Bravo’s Real Housewives of New York, is proof that the trend hasn’t trickled down.

Tongues, laced with disgust or twisted with envy, are in a non-stop wag about major-moolahed Jill’s latest accessory. Despite the vulgarity of indulgence at recession’s height, the “keep it real lux” queen unzipped her pocketbook of $16,000 for a custom Bea Amblard handbag – New York magazine says it rivals red cardboard.

Unlike Louis Vuitton, Amblard’s name doesn’t exactly register bag world-big so here’s her design skinny: After a Hermes apprenticeship where she stamped the Kelly Bag with her signature, Amblard launched her own line. In fact, according to the April in Paris Web site, the major fashion player of French descent “is the only Hermes artisan designing under her own label, as well as owning her own boutique, in the United States.” See http://www.aprilinparis.us/beatrice.

If that’s not lux-disgust enough for you, this one will definitely leave you in stitches. Alexander Amosu, hailed as one of Britain’s most influential black men, recently unveiled the world’s most expensive suit at $103.000 a pop. A million-dollar man at 25, the entrepreneur was also the first to launch urban ringtones in Europe.

Undaunted by a raveled economy, Amosu’s design direction dictates nine eighteen carat-gold and pave-diamond button bling into the vicuna, qiviuk and pashmina fabric-blended ensemble. Considering its armored Range Rover transport to the London unveiling last week, this suit probably won’t find favor with Wall Street financiers.

Enough of the Obama Lust

Monkey see, monkey do. For lack of originality, the Washingtonian magazine's latest cover deserves a failing grade. Conjuring up images of the New York Post's offensive cartoon was not my intent, yet, the reference to imitation drives the cover's animalistic inference home. Although throngs of white women satiated with Barack Obama's Mandingo mystique have gotten extensive news play, the unabashed sexual obsession with the president should succumb to a natural death like serious journalism. Sex may be the sales belt's oldest tool but what a stereotypical shame!

Med Mouth Loose

A reader, in distress over an ingrown toenail, recently hopped to a podiatrist’s office only to encounter additional irritation. The doctor’s conversation, concentrated in references to the brazen Somali pirates, rubbed her the wrong way like a bulging bunion would one with a foot fetish. Although the medical treatment relieved her ailing foot, she is still scratching her head and pondering whether the mention was coincidental or intentional due to the commonality of color.

Dear Reader,
I’d like to think that the colorless man meant no harm by mentioning a major news subject on the minds of many. In fact, he may have been acknowledging you as an educated woman in tuned with the news. Frankly, there's no way to check if the foot doc practices dually as a racist; however, I suspect you see the world through reality’s black and white lens so perception overrides intent. Unless you’re prepared to overlook this social fungus scenario, stepping to another expert that won’t inflict mental duress is my suggestion.

ATBG

Bravo's A-List Awards Recap

Did you catch Bravo's A-List Awards show last week? If not, Real Housewives of Atlanta's NeNe Leaks nabbed Reality's Guiltiest Pleasure distinction. Sistahgurl, wrong for that ghetto-tight metallic dress, should've taken home the Hot Mess award instead. I wonder where home is these days since she and hubby Greg received the boot earlier this year for mortgage default, reportedly. Check out the pumps on the non-Real Housewife of Atlanta to the far right. He's tipping more than Ben Franklins, honey.

Always over-the-top comedian Kathy Griffin shocked few when she called Aubrey O'Day (member or ex-member of Danity Kane, Diddy's latest group of non-singing girls) to the stage for a tongue exchange. While most men drool over girl-on-girl action, NeNe's other half looked on in pernicious disgust. Baby, please, these Hollywood wannabes are killing me with their crass classlessness.

O Obsession

Since the election of America’s first black president, practically everything associated with Barack Obama has been examined within racial context except for the new White House dog, Bo. Barack is president, but First Lady Michelle’s speed on the popularity track is akin to a Carl Lewis blaze.

Following the G20 Summit, The Daily Beast Editor Tina Brown reported that the First Lady has overtaken Oprah Winfrey as the “inspirational It Girl and iconic female African-American role model.” Some say the comparison to the media magnate is racist but I think not. White America’s reference bank of Ivy-League educated African-American women who are polished, primped and poised remains abysmally insufficient.

The comparison stems from lack of exposure since it was only recently that whites became privy to the black elite’s existence. Colored faces of career heavy hitters are simply not piped into white audiences’ family rooms daily like O’s: White House Social Secretary Desiree Rodgers, former chief of the Peoples Gas and North Shore Gas, Faye Wattleton, Center for the Advancement of Women President, and Dr. Julianne Malveaux, Bennett College’s 15th President, to name an executive few.

Of all the global stagnation, we’re implored to focus on things more important like the staggering numbers in black unemployment or diminished economic opportunity in our communities. Oprah may reign as the moneyed media queen in the U.S., but Michelle, hands down, is the globe’s royal rock.

Easter Egg Roll Applause

We won’t unanimously agree with every step he takes but President Barack Obama continues to demonstrate relentless commitment to diversity. For the first time in White House history, the president made tickets to the traditional Easter Egg Roll available to the children of gay and lesbian parents. Previous presidents should be shamed for penalizing children in the past for their parents’ sexual orientation. Even if this brand of family is not tied in a socially acceptable bow, at least these youngsters, unlike orphans, have the benefit and beauty of love.

Intervention Inequity at Wall and Main Streets

Word of GM’s recently kicked to the curb CEO Rick Wagoner is still vigorously spinning public opinion wheels. Unlike Wall Street, bolstered with bailout funds despite evidence of aggrandized greed, the Obama administration will sustain Main Street’s GM and Chrysler with temporary life support. Unimpressed with the companies’ respective restructuring plans, the U.S. government commandeered the driver’s seat, forcing Chrysler’s hand in marriage to Fiat and ousting GM’s ineffective chief.

The money manipulative fat cats in the financial industry have skirted the stringent accountability to which GM and Chrysler have been held. When AIG doled out the latest round of hefty bonuses, President Obama expressed consternation but no heads were chopped although deservedly so. In fact, it wouldn’t bother me one bit if Secretary Treasurer Timothy Geithner stepped up to the guillotine first for his breach in governmental transparency. Reportedly, Geithner co-signed AIG’s bonus plans before distribution of the checks ignited public fire.

Though many argue that the financial and automotive industries are dramatically different in market dynamics, others note presidential loyalties gelled in colossal campaign contributions: “Wall Street owns Obama like Big Oil owned Bush.” You can't very well oust the folks that gave you 40% of the money raised for your campaign (at least that's what I've read).” See Wall Street Watch’s “Sold Out: How Wall Street and Washington Betrayed America” at www.wallstreetwatch.org for substantiation. Once again, instead of the pre-election change carrot that was dangled, “Big Brother” in cahoots with big business looks like status quo.

If anyone needs a bailout, it’s the American public. Outsourcing wielded the first knife in the American worker’s back and now due to economic necessity, employers are slashing jobs rather than creating them. But where are the stimulus funds for retraining since education as a high-cost reinvention tool remains massively inaccessible? Whatever it takes, bankruptcy for U.S. auto manufacturers must be averted because the non-executive hands of men and women that have produced GM and Chrysler’s hermetically challenged vehicles, whether black, white, yellow or brown, are the ones truly worthy of being saved.

Beyond the Fashion Calendar: When White is Wrong

Inasmuch as 2008 was a banner year for assigning blame to blacks for the subprime mortgage slide and Prop.8’s passing, Brazilian President Luis Inacio Lula da Silva recently attributed fault for the U.S.’ financial fallout to the “white and blue-eyed.”

At a pre-G20 summit meeting to spur world trade, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown looked as if he’d been spooked by Casper when Lula said “This was a crisis that was fostered and boosted by the irrational behavior of people who were white and blue-eyed, who before the crisis they looked like they knew everything about economics, but now have demonstrated they know nothing about economics.” Lula’s public vindication’s drew the same “white ain’t always right” amens reserved for others who have been bold enough to publicly cite the obvious from blacks and browns.

Infrequently speechless NYT Columnist Maureen Dowd cited black cool's rebirth to the plethora of black faces promoting conspicuous consumption in “straw boaters and other prepster outfits in Ralph Lauren ads” in "Blue Eyed Greed." Dowd should be banished to fashionista timeout because Ralph Lauren's crowning of Tyson Beckford as the chocolate chiseled model king back in the 90s should be fairly common knowledge.

Although hopeful that the Obamas have opened doors for subsequent brown-eyed victories, Dowd summarily injected bias when she included study results that correlate eye color with ability: “A 2007 University of Louisville study concluded that people with blue eyes were better planners and strategic thinkers — superior at things like golf, cross-country running and preparing for exams — while people with brown eyes had better reflexes, making them good at hockey and football.”

We know all too well that color has historically represented a superficial barometer to spearhead racial oppression. Unfortunately, on the cool factor alone, the numbers of whites who emulate and siphon black culture far exceed those who are willing to recognize and assume the burden imposed by superiority's debilitating social caste.

Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/29/opinion/29dowd.html?em

Black Gurl Answers Reader's Rihanna Question

Q: One would think she had more confidence and self-esteem, more abuse-shame, and more sense than to publicly reconcile with a man who's beating of her has been made public. Black Gurl needs to think about this one. I'm worried about the message it sends to my niece who likes Rihanna.

A: “O” took it to Rihanna old school when she said “if a man hits you once, he will hit you again.” However, the public's expectation that the 21-year old pop princess be able to distinguish love from lust and legality from loyalty is vacuous. Why her family hasn't called in a high-powered intervention squad to turn up tough love is particularly puzzling because professional guidance is paramount. Mouths are mum but might amenability to abuse be a Barbadian cultural ill Rihanna has inherited?

When the co-dependence dust dissipates, perhaps Rihanna will reemerge with self-esteem intact. Although buzz alleging her raised hand or stiletto as a weapon in dysfunction's love nest on previous occasions has been building, the former beauty queen is not facing charges, Brown is. Reader, if you're taking an active role in your niece's development and popular culture is not the delivery vehicle for social education, I suspect she'll embrace the boundaries of love provided you approach the subject candidly and practice what you preach.

Is Steele Still a Good Negro?

Engaging Rush Limbaugh’s caustic comments and characterizing his RNC role as one to piss people off may strip Chairman Michael Steele of his “Good Negro” status. “Good Negroes” don’t get too big for their britches or mouth off in the media when challenged. Limbaugh said of Steele earlier this week, “You are head of the RNC, not the Republican Party. It’s time for you to go behind the scenes and start doing the work that you were elected to do instead of trying to be some talking-head media star...”

Guided by ambition more than ancestry, Steele accepted the figurehead hat when he assumed the RNC chair. African-Americans, however, are not easily bamboozled, having realized the strategy to drive diversity front and center was conceived in deceit that even Ray Charles could “peep” from the grave – thus far, the makeover, which has attracted the likes of a breakout Republican rapper named Hi-Caliber, has hit an inclusive skid.

Steele’s “My bad, Massa” to Limbaugh, who 11% of Republicans consider to be the party leader according to the Rasmussen Poll, cancelled the modest applause his initial dismissal of Limbaugh as entertainer generated earlier. A statement attributed in a Washington Post article to the former Maryland Lieutenant Governor, "You cannot win in this country a statewide or a national election without the black vote" also signals political naiveté on a grand scale.

The RNC Chairman would be well advised to watch his back because field privileges can easily replace those currently limited to the house. That’s exactly what will happen should Steele heed Dr. Ada Fisher’s recent resignation request. Fisher, a national RNC committee member, who is also black, has suggested the ill-gamed Steele take his pseudo hip hop swagger elsewhere.

More Monkey Business at Barnes & Nobles

Reaction to a Barnes and Nobles’ display window photograph mimicking the NYP’s cartoon’s racist theme proves imitation is not always the highest form of flattery. Blacks, whose backs are burdening an upsurge in racism, were pissed like cotton-picking slaves when a picture surfaced on the Internet of a Barack Obama commemoratives’ display injected with more monkey business – this time, a book with a monkey on its cover infiltrated the bookseller’s publication shrine to the 44th U.S.President.

Feeling as though I’d been slapped twice by the same hand tightly wadded my panties, and when text didn’t accompany the depicted vulgarity, I called the store in Coral Gables, FL, an affluent enclave of “Living La Vida Loca” Miami, the next day. I calmly expressed my concerns to the manager on duty, an overly apologetic woman whose dialect conveyed Hispanic heritage. Although the incendiary incident occurred two weeks ago, complaint phone calls have been non-stop, according to the B&N representative. When I asked if the guilty party had been hogtied, she merely advised that an unidentified customer was the suspected interloper.

Though it’s not the first time a customer has disrupted a retail display, B&N management also bears blame for its lax in ensuring store windows promote products positively. In this day of consumer tightwads, brisk traffic certainly isn't a feasible explanation for quality assurance neglect.

With the election of the first H.N.I.C., we knew this was coming. We knew that with a climatic historical event, a swell in ignorance was bound to accompany it. We also knew that a deepening recession wouldn’t be enough to distract white supremist mindsets. No matter the degree to which the lives of blacks and whites collide by rising unemployment and home foreclosure commonalities, there will always be change resisters who strive to divide. Every picture tells a story, even those we may least expect.

Attorney General Lays Truth's Gavel Down

If anything is distinguishable about diversity’s multi-meat stew, the dark meat must not overpower the white meat’s flavor. In other words, when blacks season their speech with critical truth just as U.S. Attorney Eric Holder did when he branded America a "nation of cowards," rancidity invades the mouths of whites. While Holder’s call is correct, this nation also includes a herd of hypocrites who cling to diversity’s political correctness in public, yet, fail to practice what is championed privately.

The main ones quick to reject the societal observation, like Pat Buchannan, who accused Holder of calling “white people” cowards, are the same ones guilty of self-segregating. Apparently, Maureen Dowd was equally inflamed when she wrote “…we don’t need a Jackson/Sharpton-style lecture on race. Barack Obama’s election was supposed to get us past that” in a NYT column entitled “Dark, Dark, Dark,” at http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/22/opinion/22dowd.html. Though an intelligent writer, either Dowd has been sipping her assertions from a flawed post-racial straw or the hue of her reality is several shades lighter than mine.

Racism's discussion remains a lifetime staple in the African-American kitchen, but in the cupboards of many white households, its supply is scant. Hope burns eternal, however, the expectation that White America smell the breadth of racism's putrid aroma when they’ve not been forthright within their own insulated communities is, at best, extreme.

Cartoon Buffoonery in the New York Post

Update 2/21: A Rev. Al Sharpton-led protest of 200 prompted a NYP apology. NAACP Head Ben Jealous has since called for a boycott of the media powerhouse.

The race card will still be played even when logic defies, yet, Rev. Al Sharpton and NY Governor David Paterson deserve a "right on" for raising issue with the controversial New York Post cartoon. The depiction, two white police officers standing over a chimp disabled by gunfire, is fried chicken-familiar to African-Americans but the caption seals the stereotypical deal: “They’ll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill.”

The tasteless reference is ‘someone’ other than U.S. President Barack Obama. Whites have equated African-American ancestry with the gorilla family for years. Just as in comedy, politics is abrasively targeted in cartoons, even those in journalistic context. Cartoonist Sean Delonas, reportedly, says the charges are “friggin ridiculous.” Undoubtedly, the thinking caps donned by the NYP powerheads were infant-sized. Incidentally, didn't we prove that a primate cannot be elected president?

When badge-sanctioned injustice continues to trample and reduce humans of color to animal stature, a post-racial society is akin to a pipe dream. Religious roots may predicate forgiveness but we will never forget the beat down of Rodney King or the recent gun downs of Oscar Grant, unarmed and handcuffed, courtesy of Oakland B.A.R.T. Police, and Bellaire,TX resident Robbie Tolan, plus others maimed and murdered by hands posturing white supremacy. Grant paid the ultimate price with his life, unfortunately.

Jakes' Son Snatched in Dallas Sex Sting

The son of megachurch pastor T.D. Jakes was figuratively cuffed for indecent exposure in a recent Dallas, TX sex sting. According to the Advocate.com, 29-year old Jermaine Donnell Jakes is accused of revealing his "family jewels" to two undercover police officers at Oak Cliff’s Kiest Park. Billed as gay-friendly by www.citydata.com/zips/75224.html, the area's wooded spot belied cordiality when gays and the down low straight men who engage them were targeted the night of January 3, 2009.

While specifics about the father/son dynamics are unknown, the elder Jakes’ homophobic slant is clear in the reported declaration that “he would never hire a sexually active gay person.” Naturally, methodology utilized to determine whether a gay or lesbian applicant is sexually active sparks considerable curiosity. Though equally perplexing is how to reconcile a powerful message of love preached seven days a week when employment discrimination is practiced Monday through Friday.

Here’s the official police document at a glance courtesy of http://www.pamshouseblend.com/showDiary.do?diaryId=9453:

Detective X and Detective X entered the wooded area. Suspect Jakes walked directly over to where Detective X was, and stood next to Detective X with his penis exposed through his unzipped pants. Suspect Jakes then began to masturbate his erect penis with his left hand for several seconds while making eye contact with Detective X.

Celebrity Liability Lassoes Its Latest Victims

Suggesting the American public’s propensity for vindication as proof in the election of Barack Obama, who admitted a previous life’s cocaine vice, Houston Chronicle columnist Ken Hoffman was out-of-order for citing the comparison as a basis to release Michael Phelps’ photographed bong bust from incrimination’s hooks. Hoffman said of Barack Obama in “Lay off Michael Phelps” published February 9, 2009: “Americans seemed to have forgiven him. They just elected him president over a war hero. And judging from all those magazine covers, commemorative coins and collectible plates, nobody moves product like Barack Obama.”

Ken’s logic must be lodged in a Kellogg's Fruit Loop. Had Barack Obama been caught on camera like Washington D.C.’s former crack mayor Marion Berry during the presidential run, he would be an ousted Illinois Senator.

Because Kellogg's dashed for corporate cover, severing ties with the athletically accomplished Aquaman, Phelps apparently has more in common with R&B crooner Chris “Smiley” Brown than Obama. Brown, in a judicial pickle for assaulting his girlfriend, pop princess Rhianna, was temporarily scratched from Wrigley’s endorsement lineup after the allegations gained steam.

Both Phelps and Brown, who exercised judgment unrestrained by common sense, have also likely fallen victim to invincibility's hype. If Michael must bong and blaze, why can't he do so privately in his palatial Maryland bach pad to avoid risking income or reputational tarnish?

Lost in Presidential Lust

I’m no prude but the sexual fodder of which Barack Obama is the subject crosses the acceptability line. Throngs of women, weak-kneed with rapture, proclaimed more than a political interest in the man who rose to the presidency long before he took office. However, sexual confessions eclipsed when New York Times columnist Judith Warner professed a dream about the president emerging from her home’s shower last week. In “Sometimes a President is Just a President,” Warner confided that “many women – not too surprisingly – were dreaming about sex with the president." The article in its entirety may be viewed here: http://warner.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/05/sometimes-a-president-is-just-a-president/.

Black women may be similarly smitten with the new Commander-In-Chief but if they’re wet dreaming, it’s likely kept under wraps out of respect for his First Lady. Unarguably, the black president has brought sexy back to the White House but it matters little if he can’t rescue the country from this recessionary cesspool. Seemingly, the ongoing Mandingo dick obsession by white women, though taboo in some circles, is one that will never die. Had comments of the same lascivious stream come from men about a female president, they’d be swiftly dismissed with a sexist slap.

A Bitter Etta Bites Back

Though she has since apologized, the acerbic acidity Etta James hurled at Beyonce for singing “At Last” on Inauguration Night caught the masses by surprise. Conversely, James sang the Houston native’s praises after her portrayal of the singer in “Cadillac Records.” In the same Seattle gig, James also demonstrated how classless she is when she coined Barack Obama the big-eared president of others. For that, Etta, a steroidal sour puss, needs her ass whupped.

Don't Diss the Queen

As expected, eagle eyes will microscopically examine everything about First Lady Michelle Obama from her clothing choices to causes she champions. Poised for criticism within the avalanche of adulation, the African-American female first adds significant flair to Washington’s drab fare beyond any assigned style quotient. Occasional objectionable banter targeting Mrs. Obama by the press might be allowable; however, messing with the Queen, according to black protocol, is a no-no.

Aretha “Queen of Soul” Franklin has been unmercifully mocked for the millinery finery she donned on Inauguration Day. The original artistic architect of the civil rights anthem, “Respect,” deserves no disrespect whether it’s accusations of substituting ‘cunt tree’ for country in “My Country,‘Tis of Thee” or giving her royal less vocally in nippy D.C. Unhappy with her performance, the perfectionist elected to re-record the song for digital download last week.

With 18 Grammys bursting her musical belt, Franklin has earned exclusive license to do as she damn well pleases. Whether she’s svelte or food seduced, “Ms. Re Re” forever reigns as Black America’s Queen.