ABC Ain't Easy as 1-2-3

For its threat to literacy, texting and hip hop lyrics should be accompanied by side effects like drugs. Because they would rather text than dial, today’s youth are infamous for taking English composition shortcuts. Plus, their little overloaded brains don't give a flying flip if their butts bounce to catchy beats laced under grammatically fractured lyrics.

Butchering the King’s English is one of my pet peeves and an ethnic jolt goes all through me whenever I hear “axe” instead of “ask,” “conversate” instead of “converse” and “prostrate” instead of “prostate.” Until reading the emails below by an un-ed-u-ma-ca-ted educator, I couldn’t conceive of a hotter ghetto mess in academia. See for yourself:

If U Kin Reed This, Thank the Skule Bord Prezudint

The president of Detroit's school board, Otis Mathis, "acknowledges he has difficulty composing a coherent English sentence," reports Laura Berman of the Detroit News:
Here's a sample from an e-mail he sent to friends and supporters on Sunday night, uncorrected for errors of spelling, grammar, punctuation and usage. It begins: If
you saw Sunday's Free Press that shown Robert Bobb the emergency financial manager for Detroit Public Schools, move Mark Twain to Boynton which have three times the number seats then students and was one of the reason's he gave for closing school to many empty seats. , , .

Here's another mass e-mail from Mathis, from Aug. 11, 2009:
Do DPS control the Foundation or outside group? If an outside group control the foundation, then what is DPS Board row with selection of is director? Our we mixing DPS and None DPS row's, and who is the watch dog?

Despite lacking what would seem to be a basic skill, Mathis has his defenders:
"I know he's a terrible writer. Oh wow, I've seen his e-mails," says Ida Byrd-Hill, a parent and activist who runs a nonprofit and is a member of Mensa, the high-IQ group.
"His job, though, is to represent the community. His lack of writing skills is prevalent in the community. If anybody does, he understands the struggles of what it's like to go through an institution and not be properly prepared."
And if the Detroit public schools are turning out people who are capable of running big institutions like the Detroit public schools, they must be doing something right.

WTF? Black Females Who Wheel, Deal and Steal

HBO’s defunct drug drama, “The Wire,” encapsulated the explosion in the African-American male prison population. However, it’ll be a minute before American Greed on CNBC frames the rise in black female public officials dethroned due to greed.

As if New Orleans, LA hadn’t been besieged with enough, the not so slick mother and daughter team of Ellenese Brooks-Sims and Stacy Sims come along to sip from bribery’s brew. Brooks-Sims, a former Orleans Parish school board member, was sentenced to 18 months in federal prison this week for accepting $100,000 to support an algebra software program. For her knowledge of the transaction, daughter Stacy received 2 years probation and 40 hours of community service.

With as many as seven years of freedom at stake, Brooks-Sims received a reduced sentence for wearing a wire to trap her benefactor, Mose Jefferson, brother of U.S. Representative William Jefferson who was busted earlier behind $90,000 in unrelated freezer burned bribes.

Remember Sheila Dixon? Although she plea-bargained her way into resignation, the former mayor was administered a dose of “de-greed” when she ripped off gift cards targeted for Baltimore’s poor last year.

If you recall, D.C. was drenched in a blistery white winter so if former NBA player Juan Dixon’s aunt missed anything, rest assured it was her mink jacket. Spotted on eBay this week, the not so fancy token came courtesy of a developer Dixon was allegedly sexing. Should she go where I suspect she’s headed in the afterlife, girlfriend will wish she was back in the thick of D.C.’s frigidity.

Incidentally, her b-baller nephew has his own issues, having recently been suspended from the Spanish basketball league for a steroid-tainted UA.

Unlike Dixon, former Detroit city councilwoman Monica Conyers will soon paddle up Jail River for a 37-month stay thanks to a bribery conviction. She was accused of flip-flopping on a controversial $1.2 billion sludge contract that she adamantly opposed previously. Her complicity in wrongdoing also casts a dark shadow on her 80-year-old husband, House Judiciary Chairman John Conyers, who signed a letter in support of the Houston-based Synagro project.

Caught fake nail-handed in the cookie jar, Mrs. Conyers’ white collar crime reportedly netted less than $100K. Though, on paper, she graduated from a D.C. law school, the 44-year-old failed miserably at mastering Wall Street’s golden rule – When a theft opportunity knocks, always steal BIG!

Winans Sings The Madoff Blues

Trouble is nothing more than an equal opportunity rope that threatens to squeeze the life out of any celebrity or average Jane or Joe. Last year, it was 46-year old Bebe of the supremely talented musical family dangling from the legal string and now it’s his nephew, Michael Winans, Jr.

Instead of drug possession or bullet spray, it was GREED that tripped the songwriting youngin up. Like Wall Street mastermind Bernie Madoff, Winans allegedly concocted an elaborate Ponzi scheme that picked unsuspecting Detroit-area investors’ pockets to the tune of $3 - $11 million. Gospel royalty definitely has its advantages since church connections were used to fatten the illegal cash cow. Follow the manure trail here: http://www.freep.com/article/20100305/COL07/3050372/1001/news/Winans-Jr.-ran-scheme-state-says

WTF of the Week: The Gay Edition

From Big Papa to Little Mama

Among the rumors spiraling over the Real Housewives’ halos, it looks like the one about Kim Zolciak’s lip lock with a female DJ has tinges of plausibility. Banished from her married sugar daddy’s bed last year, “Brokeback Barbie” is creating major buzz for the Real Housewives of Atlanta’s 3rd installment with her switch to lesbian love.

Keep in mind that it was Tracy Young who remixed the marginal hit, “Tardy for the Party,” so the jury’s still out on whether Kim is just another bi- for- now celebrity or merely attempting to further her Autotune-influenced career. Given the blonde’s terminal addiction to materialism, I don’t expect the relationship to endure beyond a few episodes especially if Young’s fish basket doesn’t come packed with chunks of easily replenished cash.

See http://www.usmagazine.com/healthylifestyle/news/real-housewives-kim-zolciak-steps-out-with-girlfriend-201013

Undercover Bubba

Anti-gay spouting state senator Roy Ashburn is now a living witness to the adage that what one does in the dark will come to the light. Ashburn, a married GOP politician and father of four, was reportedly busted by the boys in blue for DUI following a late night tip to Faces, a Sacramento gay bar. Although the male passenger in his vehicle was not identified, first-class detective skills aren’t needed to sort this one out. Perhaps Ashburn should consult former Idaho senator Larry “Minneapolis bathroom” Craig on how to put this situation under wraps before it swallows his career.

Get the scoop here: http://cbs2.com/local/gay.bar.faces.2.1538307.html